The days following news from Dr. McClay (12/31/01)to “get your things in order” were difficult. There were a lot of tears, a lot of grief.
Wednesday, January 2nd, Dan chose to get ready to die. He had me find a notebook and set up a table of contents with items to address. These included business decisions, funeral plans, and plans for his free time... Dan was positive he would live another month or longer. And he planned to live well. His attitude was positive, thankful and contagious.
The first onset of pain was Thursday, January 3rd, late in the evening. Pain pills were affective, and at that point Dan decided I should call Hospice the following day. We had talked about calling Hospice all week, but he didn’t feel ready.
Friday the four of us went down to Kono’s, his favorite eatery overlooking the ocean, and had a lovely time bonding, praying and preparing for the inevitable. What an amazing guy…. his energy, low as it was, was spent making the boys and I feel prepared for life on our own.
A Hospice nurse came to visit on Saturday, delivered equipment which Dan felt he might need in the future months… wheelchair, walker, oxygen, shower-chair etc. They shared and made both Dan and I and Cameron (Kyle was at Church Camp) feel very confident about their services to keep Dan as comfortable as possible. Since Dan had not had any pain since Thursday evening, we were sure he would have time to visit the Hospice facilities and have knowledge of the future. Dan hoped he could stay at home as long as his care did not become difficult for the boys and I. He had already experienced three rough days after Christmas where he was disoriented and he knew we all became sleep deprived. I believe he was ok with the plan to visit the Hospice facility for pain therapy and possibility to be there for his death. Believe it or not, that afternoon, he convinced Cameron and I to take him shopping for a big TV to put in the living room as he didn’t expect to climb stairs too much longer…he wanted the boys and he to have speakers which would shake the house as they watch DVD’s of “Top Gun” or the likes of that!
Sunday he asked Cameron and his friends to do some honey-doo’s: trim the tree and clean the gutters, and he enjoyed visiting with them about their future plans. Later we went to see the play “Tommy” at the Civic Theatre. Although Dan’s coloring was becoming noticeably jaundice, it didn’t stop him from enjoying one of is favorite shows. That evening we spent time with Kyle as he returned from Church camp hearing tales of the weekend.
Monday Dan was tired and visited with the nurse from Hospice. She noticed his discomfort, and sudden sleepiness. Pain pills seem to aliviate the discomfort and he was able to visit with the boys, my family and his.
But the following afternoon, Tuesday, Dan was very sleepy. I had just read a chapter of a Hospice book encouraging caregivers to listen for messages that the dying are ready to die. Dan woke from a rest and asked if I’d liked the movie we just saw…the Tom Sayer Movie…his funeral movie. I said I did, and when I asked him if he had watched his own funeral… he said he had… and it was fine. Was that a sign he was preparing to die? By the afternoon I realized he was becoming disorientated (which he laughed about), probably due to the toxins building in his brain as his liver shut down. The Hospice nurse and our own dear Dr. Novak came to spend the evening and confirm that he was in renal failure. Because it was difficult for the boys and I to get him out of bed, communicate without confusion, and pain was increasing, we opted to go to the Hospice In Patient Center to have a “sleep over” with just the four of us and a chance to be comfortably together. Dan’s confusion came and went, he asked “is this really happening”? He and the boys and I cried and said our farewells many times that night after the quiet ambulance took us to a wonderfully large room where we could surround Dan all night.
During the early hours of Wednesday January 9th, he was given continuous pain killers which were monitored closely so that he could wake easily and talk… a sentence or so, clearly. His love for the boys and I was clear, as was his goal to prepare a place for us in heaven. When his breathing became labored, he spoke no more, and we all knew his end was near. Fortunately his family, mine, friends and Pastor Greg were all able to arrive in time to bid him farewell. Pastor Greg prayed to the Lord to accept this wonderful, loving, caring man and Dan took his last breath.
Dan lived really well, and he died really beautifully, pain free and surrounded by love.
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